Heart Eyes ★½

THE first quarter of each year is ‘bring out your dead time’ in the annual film release schedule.

By that I mean the studios and distributors agree to have some pretty average fare in cinemas because the good stuff isn’t ready.

Of course, there’s always the hope that maybe, just maybe, one of them will be a surprise hit.

Chief among the corpses in 2025 is Heart Eyes, a woeful attempt to merge horror, romance and comedy, that even managed to get a run for Valentine’s Day.

For the first 15 minutes it looked promising with a couple of interesting murders at a winery, but then the inane story kicked in.

A serial killer is targeting couples and seems to be moving from one city to another each year. Of course he’s very active each Valentine’s Day.

This year he has got rid of two couples and ends up going after two other people he mistakes for a couple. Why he decides to concentrate on them is never properly explained, like everything else in the film.

These two are the usual mis-matched lovers being dismissive of each other until finally realising they should actually be in love.

Once again, following It’s a Wonderful Knife, the killer is inept and has these stupid heart-shaped eyes on his mask.

There is zero chemistry between the leads and barely an ounce of suspense before we limp over the finish line.

Watched at the cinema.