Mad Heidi ★★★

ONCE upon a time there was a young woman called Heidi who lived in a Swiss village with her kindly grandfather.

Heidi loved their farm and also a local boy named Goat Peter whom she sometimes spent time in the barn with.

One day Peter Was selling his illegal cheese when he was caught by the local police men who cut his head off.

Heidi was very angry and decided to tell the police men off, but they sent her to a prison run by a bad woman named Fraulein Rottweiler.

Meanwhile, in his castle far away the evil president Herman was making everybody only eat his cheese.

The president had his police force hunt down rebels who were lactose intolerant and cut off their heads.

He also liked to have women wearing no tops serve him cheese and gold-dusted chocolate every hour.

The president wanted to make everyone “dumb as fuck” by softening their cerebellums with his new ultra-cheese.

But Heidi escaped from prison and met a fairy godmother and two nuns who showed her how to develop samurai fighting skills.

Heidi led a revolt to stop the president’s plan and that is how she became Mad Heidi, the main character in a 2023 so-called Swissploitation film that is good fun if you’re into that kind of thing.

The end.